Tangles In My Head:Nightline “Put A Ring On It”

nightlineHere we go again! Night line has decided to make an entire feature out of the “woe-is-me-lonely-black woman” topic. Do we bite?

I typically tend to miss these topics when they come on the news (I’m usually at class, or at work, or with my boyfriend) but, Night line did another special on why successful black women cannot find a man.

In my previous post about the discussion around interracial relationships and the black-gender war I did not get to express even a sliver of my emotions of this subject. I merely expressed that there needs to be sensible discourse about the topic without name-calling and hurtful accusations.

I, personally, cannot understand why this would even be a blip on Nightline’s radar. In fact, initially, I was offended that the first video about “Single Ladies” was produced by two non-black women.

I feel as if the black community is being unfairly depicted as a dysfunctional group. Sometimes, I think that this scrutiny comes in advent of the Obama marriage–almost like propaganda to disprove any hope of any other black family living like the POTUS and his wife.

I also don’t understand why all the focus is on black marriages. There’s never been a discussion about the levels of domestic violence in WASP households, or the severity of each crimes. Only in private circles do I hear Latinas complain about how hyper sexuality in their males lead to infidelity. Basically, I don’t see why we are under siege, especially since majority of black people are (or have been) married and to one another, and every other race has romantic problems. We’re no different than any other group#kanyeshrug.

I was disappointed in them using Jimi Izrael on the panel. I know that Izrael is of the same ilk as Byron Crawford, constantly berating black women. Initially, I felt that Sherri Shepherd and Jacque Reid brought an untactful level of comedy that reduced the severity of the topic; we should have swapped them for scholars who could dissect this conversation on a more academic level. I did not mind Hill Harper because he does bring an element of ace that the other panelists did not.

I agree with Sherri Shepherd that no woman should be penalized for wanting to success and EARNING it. Every other group of women do the same. Women cannot wait around for Prince Charming. Even if you try to help some of these men, like Sherri said, they still leave you or defame you for it.

Why would Sherri Shepherd or Jacque Reid feel she must date a guy at Home Depot when no other race of women would give him the time of day? Sherri Shepherd has a significant amount to lose and very little to gain! Even the Home Depot guy did not want to get involved with her celebrity lifestyle! And, how does that explain the significant amount of black celebrities who will willingly date women who are not on their level instead of someone like Sherri, a girl who has her own? What about success devalues a woman’s potential for a man?

I will give Hill credit: he did have potential, and a sizable amount compared to Sherri. Hill comes from an elite black family, was a graduate of Harvard and attractive. Who was Sherri Shepherd back then? She lucked out. I agree that sometimes black women need to ease up before we write off black men simply because he does not have it all.


Only in the black community would anyone ever suggest dating outside your class level instead of pulling one’s self up by the bootstraps. #smh

I also don’t like the interracial element being brought into every discussion. I think it’s an ignorant, counterproductive conversation. For the most part, interracial couplings amongst black men and black women are very small. If White men are married to Hispanic women at exceptionally higher rates than black men married to white women, then why aren’t white women and Latino men holding on for dear life? If the percentage of black men dating white women is closely equivalent to black women dating white men, then why aren’t black men afraid? To me, interracial dating and the black marriage gap are in no way intertwined.

I loved Helena Andrews comment about this not being a successful black women issue but, an issue for us all. If black men don’t marry black women, and black men are only living in common law marriages with white women, then black men are not marrying, period. Everyone loses.

There’s just too much black men bashing, too much conversation and not enough action. I imagine that for every two groups of people involved in this persiflage we would somehow be able to find rejoinder. Unfortunately, as much as black women complain about being the target in an ongoing bashfest, there’s also a slew of black men bashing on the opposite end. It’s like “The Neverending Story” meets “The Women on Brewster Street”. It’s the song that doesn’t end.

The narrator somberly concludes that–once again– there are no solutions to the discussion and there will be many more of these stupid, single black women profiles to come.
Oy vie!